


Out of Your Vulnerabilities

by tillyenna



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: M/M, Mentions of past sexual assault, Oral Fixation, POV Alternating, Sharing a Bed, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, hockey boys are dumb, non sexual age regression behaviour (sort of), slowish burn, suprisingly fluffy given these tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-14 13:20:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,826
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28921218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tillyenna/pseuds/tillyenna
Summary: Working title: Patrick Kane Sucks His ThumbPatrick Kane will do anything to hide the fact that even at 18, he still sucks his thumb when he sleeps. Jonathan Toews thinks he shouldn't have to. The story of how this leads to a friendship like no other friendship.Patrick's totally obvious oral fixation coupled with his freaking adorable tooth gap... yeah, that lead to this. I'm not even sorry.
Relationships: Patrick Kane/Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane/OFC
Comments: 22
Kudos: 176





	Out of Your Vulnerabilities

**Author's Note:**

> Full title quote: out of your vulnerabilities will come your strength - because on a fic about oral fixation the title HAD to be a Freud quote.
> 
> A huge HUGE thank you to [engineering fangirl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/engineering_fangirl/pseuds/engineering_fangirl) for the incredible beta, putting up with my COMPLETE LACK OF PUNCTUATION and the fact that I make the same mistakes over and over again. :D Thank you so much <3

##  **Jonny’s POV**

Jonny had initially planned to stay at UND for two years – his mom had wanted him to finish his degree, and he’d argued her down to just two years. Then Patrick gets drafted to the Blackhawks, to his team, and even though Jonny’s only done one year, it feels like it’s time for him to go and play in Chicago. He’d be lying to himself if he said it had nothing to do with the possibility of getting to play with Patrick again. Patrick had been impressive, even when they were children, and Jonny’s been watching his career, knowing that they’re going to the Blackhawks together, it’s just another reason to go to prospect camp.

It’s incredible, playing together on the ice, and they have instant chemistry, which is almost unheard of. Still, Patrick wasn’t an easy-going kid and that only seems to have gotten worse with age as well. He goes out and parties hard, but in the locker room, he’s defensive and snappish.

When they get told they’re staying up in Chicago, Jonny agrees to billet with Brent Seabrook, he’s a nice guy, only a couple of years older, but enough Jonny’s senior that he’s deemed responsible enough to have a rookie billeting with him. Kaner, on the other hand, is off to live with their GM, Bowman. Jonny feels bad for the kid, he can’t imagine having to live with one of their bosses, but at the same time, Kaner seems pretty chill with the concept.

The preseason starts, and they’re told they’re going to be rooming together on the road. It makes perfect sense to Jonny, and honestly, he doesn’t think that it’s the end of the world. But when they’re told, Patrick shoots him a dark look.

Jonny wonders what could possibly be so awful about rooming with him, his previous roommates have always told him he’s been a pretty considerate roomie in the past. Still, he figures he can bring it up with Kaner when they hit the road for the first time.

As soon as they’re alone in their hotel room, however, it’s Kaner who turns to confront him.

“So,” he says, and there’s a flash of anger in his eyes. “I have a really weird habit when I’m sleeping.” He’s got both his hands shoved in his pockets and his stance couldn’t be more defensive if he tried. “And I will do literally anything for you to keep it to yourself.”

“What?” Jonny can’t help but ask.

“I mean it, I’ll suck your dick, I’ll do your laundry for a fucking year.” Kaner’s not meeting his gaze. “I will literally do whatever it fucking takes.”

“Kaner,” Jonny stands up from where he’s sat on the bed. “We’re teammates, linemates, I’m not going to spread your secrets for easy chirp material.”

Kaner lets out a disbelieving chuckle. “That’s what they all say.”

Jonny can’t help but wonder what this habit might be, but when he looks over at Kaner before he flicks the light out, Kaner is in his bed, head underneath the blankets. Sure, sleeping with your head under the blankets is a little weird, but Jonny’s not sure it’s worth offering to suck someone’s dick over.

Jonny wakes in the middle of the night, blinking to accustom himself to the darkness as he tries to orient himself in the unfamiliar space. When he looks over at Kaner’s bed, he’s no longer got his head tucked under the covers. In fact, the covers are mostly thrown off the bed, and Kaner is sprawled half on his back, half on his side, shirtless, and—most noticeably—with the thumb of his right hand jammed into his mouth, fingers curling loosely across his face.

Jonny stares for a moment in shock. Kaner is an 18 year old athlete who hasn’t lived at home since he was 14, and there he is, sucking on his thumb like an infant. Jonny shakes his head, and grabs his water off the nightstand, downing half the bottle, before turning over and going back to sleep.

In the morning, Kaner’s up before he is, and is glaring at him as per usual.

“I’m not going to tell,” Jonny reassures him. “And you really don’t have to suck my dick.”

Kaner shrugs. “Not like it’d be the first dick I’ve sucked. I really don’t care.”

Jonny scrubs his hand across his face, trying to wake himself up. “Let me rephrase that, I really don’t want you to suck my dick. I’ll keep your secret.” The idea that Kaner thinks he needs to give him something, to trade sexual favours just to keep this quiet makes him feel sick.

“Why?” Kaner asks mulishly.

“Because you’re my teammate, because we’re going to be the future of this franchise, together.” He looks at Kaner, who is shuffling uncomfortably. “I tell you what, if you really want to do something for me, you can play the best damn hockey you’ve ever played, and in exchange, I’ll keep your secret.”

Kaner huffs out a little breath of laughter. “I’d be doing that anyway Toes” he says, but he seems to relax a little, and he doesn’t bring it up again.

They’re still on the road again that night, and when they’re getting ready for bed, Kaner tucks his head under the covers once more.

“Do you do that because you like it,” Jonny asks, “or just to hide?”

Kaner sticks his head back out. “Hiding mostly I guess.”

“I’ve literally said I don’t care Kaner,” Jonny sighs. “If you need to do it, do it, I’m not going to chirp you for it, and you don’t need to suffocate yourself under the covers.”

“Oh,” Patrick says softly, rearranging the pillows and the covers to get a little more comfortable.

Jonny knows he shouldn’t ask, but he can’t not, “What did you do in juniors?”

Patrick shrugs. “I mean, it was ok at billets, I’ve always had my own room. First year NTDP we were paired up with older kids on the road, the guy I was rooming with said he wouldn’t say anything about it if I showed him what else I could suck on.”

“Jesus,” Jonny swears in disbelief. “That’s not okay Kaner.”

Kaner shrugs. “He didn’t tell anyone? And it’s not like sucking dick is a problem, like,” he waves his thumb at Jonny, “we’ve already established that I like having stuff in my mouth.”

“Are you gay?” Jonny knows he shouldn’t ask, you don’t ask that on a hockey team, but Kaner has just confessed to sucking a guys dick.

“No!” Kaner stares at him like he’s an idiot. “Dude, no way, just, it’s been a pretty effective way to shut teammates up who’ve found out over the years.”

“Oh.” Jonny hates himself for asking now, but he feels the need to share with Kaner why he had. “I am,” he says softly.

“Oh shit.” Kaner props himself up on one elbow. “Like, I don’t have a problem with gays, if that’s what you’re thinking. I’m just not one.”

“Cool.” Jonny gives him a tired smile. “Well, now you can keep my secret, and in exchange, I’ll keep yours.”

“Deal,” Kaner says, sticking out his hand for Jonny to shake.

It feels weird, shaking hands while they’re lying down, but it relaxes Jonny a little, knowing that there’s someone on this team who knows and someone who doesn’t hate him for it at that. He flicks the light out, and as he’s getting comfortable, notices a huge sigh of relief from Kaner who’s clearly doing the same. And when he looks across, Kaner is sprawled freely across the bed, facing away from Jonny, but clearly with his thumb in his mouth, and Jonny can’t help but smile at it.

##  **Patrick’s POV**

Tazer’s actually a pretty considerate roommate, all things considered. He’s been nice about the thumb thing, which Patrick really hadn’t been expecting, and sharing his own secrets in exchange. Still, he’s highly strung, both on and off the ice, and they end up in a row one night when they’re supposed to be watching a movie. Patrick has, of course, been fiddling with anything he can get his hands on, hopping up to grab his phone, and changing the volume on the television.

“Jesus,” Tazer snaps at him. “Do you ever relax?”

Patrick shoots him a glare. “Of course I do.” He doesn’t want to add, ‘just not with an audience’.

“Do you need to go jerk off in the shower or something?” Tazer asks with a slight smirk. “Because if that’s what it takes for you to chill out then I can pause the film.”

“Shut up,” Patrick snarks.

“I’m serious,” Tazer tells him. “What does it take to chill you out?”

Patrick thinks about it for a moment, and then, with the realisation that Tazer has kept his secret so far, that he’s been good enough about it, he waves his thumb in Tazer’s direction, feeling himself blush a little with embarrassment.

It takes a moment and then Tazer clearly realises what he’s implying. “Oh, dude, if that’s all, just fucking go for it. I’m not bothered.”

Patrick frowns, because it’s one thing when the lights are off, and he can pretend that Tazer can’t see him, but it’s another thing entirely when they’re both wide awake and all the lights are on, and there’s nowhere to hide. “Do you mean that?”

“I mean it Kaner,” Tazer replies. “If that’s what it takes to chill you the fuck out, then go ahead.”

Patrick nods, and settles back in to watch the movie. He doesn’t at first, glancing nervously towards Tazer, but when he sees that his teammate is really engrossed in the movie, he stares down at his own hand. He wants to. He really wants to, and he half brings his hand up to his mouth--before he remembers where he is and shoves it back under his own thigh.

“I mean it Patrick,” Jonny says quietly, and Patrick knows he’s serious from use of his first name. “I’m not going to chirp you.”

It takes some courage, but eventually, his desire to relax wins out, and with a sigh, he brings his hand up to his mouth, tucking his thumb past his lips. The moment he closes his lips around it, the first suck is like it always is, like his life slows down, his heart slows down, he relaxes instantly, a deep sigh escaping past his lips, he can’t stop the smile spreading around his thumb.

It's a few minute later that Tazer speaks up. “Jesus,” he says, half glancing over at Patrick. “That really does chill you the fuck out.”

Patrick shrugs at him, grinning around his thumb, index finger rubbing across the bridge of his nose. “It’s good,” he says, lisping slightly around his thumb, refusing to take it out his mouth now he’s gotten it, leaning back against the pillows, more relaxed than he’s been in a while.

“Well,” Tazer says eventually. “Like, any time it’s just the two of us, I don’t mind if you do.”

“Do you mean that?” Patrick asks, taking his thumb out to do so. “I get that it’s weird Taze, I know it isn’t fucking normal.”

Tazer shrugs. “I’m yet to meet anyone who’s reached our level of hockey who is normal.” He shoots a wry smile at Patrick. “And if your only vice is sucking your thumb, I think you’re doing pretty well.”

“It’s not my only vice,” Patrick grumbles back. “I also drink, and have sex. I’m a real boy.”

Tazer snorts at him, “Hardly.” He waves his hand as if to gesture to all of Patrick. “Still, I’d rather this than trying to rebuild a franchise with a cokehead or something.”

“What about you?” Patrick asks. “What makes you not a normal boy then?”

“I thought being so deep in the closet I’m practically living in Narnia counted,” Jonny laughs.

“Fair,” Patrick admits, then, with a quick smile to Jonny before tucking his thumb back in his mouth.

He doesn’t quite take Jonny up on his offer as much as he’d like. Whenever he’s alone in his room back at the Bowman’s, whether he’s watching tape, or just chilling out, he usually has his thumb tucked into his mouth, pulling it out only when he hears someone knock at the door. He isn’t quite that relaxed with the space he shares on the road with Jonny. Still, it helps to know the option is there if he needs it, especially when he’s particularly on edge or after bad games.

After one particularly bad loss, in which he’d been chirped to heaven and back all game, he finds himself slamming the door to the room as soon as they get in and jamming his thumb in his mouth, not even getting to bed, just sinking down the wall to sit beside the door, craving that feeling of reassurance, that feeling of safety.

Jonny clearly notices the blissed out look on his face. “Jesus,” he swears. “You really are like a drug addict with that thing.”

Patrick just raises his middle finger, the one on the hand he’s currently got wrapped around his own face.

He begins to relax around Jonny, noticing that he’s become Jonny in his head and not Tazer, and for all they row about the game, he isn’t actually that bad a roommate.

“So,” he can’t help himself but ask one evening. “The gay thing.”

“What about it?” Jonny chuckles softly.

“You ever have a boyfriend?”

Jonny shakes his head. “There were a few guys I hooked up with regularly in college, but never like, dating, it’s too hard, keeping it secret all the time.”

“You wish you could?”

“Of course.” Jonny looks at him like he’s an idiot. “Like, even just sleeping in the same bed as someone, I miss it.”

Patrick can’t help the bitter chuckle that escapes past his lips. “I wouldn’t know.” At Jonny’s confused look he clarifies, “I’ve never… slept over with a girl.”

Jonny’s eyebrows shoot up his forehead.

“I’m not a fucking virgin Toes,” Patrick clarifies. “Like, I’ve had sex, I just can’t… stay the night.”

It takes a few minutes for Jonny’s brain to catch up. “Because of the thumb thing.”

Patrick nods. “I just, I can’t sleep without it, and even if I do manage to pass out exhausted without doing it, I’ll do it while I’m sleeping.”

“Surely, like, if a girl was your girlfriend, she wouldn’t care.”

Patrick shrugs. “Never got serious enough with one to find out. They don’t tend to like you leaving in the night.”

“You could…” Jonny starts to offer something, and then shakes his head.

“What?” Patrick asks, intrigued.

“I mean, just,” Jonny’s the one acting uncomfortable now, “I don’t want you to think I’m hitting on you Peeks, because I’m not, but if you want you could sleep in my bed.”

“Why?” Patrick can’t help but ask.

“I told you, I miss sharing a bed with someone, it’s awesome, and you’ve never done it, so it’s like, I don’t know, a learning experience for you.”

Patrick thinks about it for a moment, the idea of curling up next to Jonny under the covers, being able to relax in his arms, knowing he doesn’t care whether Patrick’s thumb is in his mouth or not is appealing. “Ok,” He says simply.

“Really?” Jonny honestly grins at him. “You mean that?”

Patrick shrugs. “You said you weren’t gonna hit on me, so like, no weird stuff, but sure, we can cuddle if that’s what you want.” He figures it’s the least he owes Jonny after Jonny’s been so good at keeping his secret, and besides, it doesn’t sound terrible.

Jonny shuffles over on his bed to the far side. “Come here then.”

It’s awkward for a moment, climbing into bed beside his teammate, but once he’s got his phone plugged in where he can reach it, he settles down under the covers. “Am I being the big spoon, or do you do that?” he asks with a laugh. “I don’t know how this gay stuff works.”

“Shut up.” Jonny reaches out and ruffles his hand through Kaner’s curls. “Just let me get comfy.” It takes Jonny a minute to get the pillows how he wants them, but then he’s sprawled on his back and wrapping an arm around Patrick’s shoulders, pulling him in towards him.

It’s easy enough to rest his head on Jonny’s shoulder, one arm draped loosely across his chest, one leg tangled over Jonny’s. “Okay fair,” he says softly. “This is kind of chill.”

“Fuck off,” Jonny laughs. “This is the best.” He reaches down and grabs the wrist that’s currently draped across his chest and guides it towards Patrick’s face. “Do your thing. You’ll see.”

Patrick shakes his head a little, but does as he’s told, and tucks his thumb into his mouth, feeling all the tension falling from his muscles. With his thumb in his mouth, and one of Jonny’s arms wrapped around him, listening to Jonny’s heartbeat, he’s asleep before Jonny’s even turned out the light.

##  **Jonny’s POV**

Jonny’s self aware enough to know that maybe he’s harbouring a little bit of a crush on his teammate, but it isn’t the first time he’s had a crush on a teammate, and he’s pretty good at dealing with it. Perhaps offering to share a bed with Patrick wasn’t the smartest move he’s ever made, but he can’t bring himself to care when every night they’re on the road, Patrick folds himself into Jonny’s arms, sucking gently on his thumb.

It’s rare they get overnight flights, if the schedule at all allows it, they opt to sleep where they played and fly early in the morning. Still, sometimes, there just isn’t time, and Patrick and Jonny find themselves on their first red-eye flight.

Most of the guys have eye masks on, or at the very least, they have a blanket, and all of them have their seats reclined. Still, Jonny’s sat next to Patrick, who still stubbornly has his light on, book in hand.

“Kaner.” Jonny nudges him. “Peeks, you’re going to need to sleep.”

“I can’t,” Patrick hisses.

“What do you mean?” Jonny asks.

Patrick waggles his thumb at him. “I’ll do the thing.” His eyes are wide with fear. “I know you aren’t an ass about it, but I don’t think that goes for everyone.”

It’s a fair assessment, Jonny can’t guarantee that these boys won’t chirp him for the rest of his days about it, and he knows how sensitive Patrick is about it. “What if I held your wrist, so you couldn’t.”

Patrick rolls his eyes. “I switch sides.” He frowns. “I’m ambidextrous as far as that goes.”

“Really?” Jonny asks, still keeping his voice down so they don’t disturb the others on the plane.

Patrick nods. “I broke my arm when I was 10, thought it would stop me being in a cast, but I just switched to the other side for a bit.”

“Shit,” Jonny swears, trying to think. “Maybe I could hold both your hands?” He makes a grabbing motion towards Patrick. “It’s worth a try.”

He manages to get one of his hands wrapped around both of Patrick’s wrists, and it reminds him a little of something he got up to with one of his college boyfriends, but he tries to push that out of his mind. “Try this.”

Patrick glances mulishly up at the light, which Jonny then reaches up with his free hand to turn off. He ends up swapping which hands he has wrapped around Patrick’s so he can twist a little to be on his side.

“Thank you.” Patrick says quietly, twisting so he’s facing Jonny.

It’s not the same as sleeping in the same bed as Patrick, but there’s something comforting about the fact that every time his eyes blink open a little, Patrick is right there. Jonny tries not to think about the fact that he’s close enough to kiss.

When they eventually land, Jonny asks softly, “Did you get any sleep?”

Patrick nods. “Not loads, but more than I would have done.” He gives Jonny a tired smile. “Thanks Taze.”

When they go for their nap that afternoon, and Patrick climbs easily into bed beside Jonny, thumb going straight into his mouth, Jonny can’t help but think about how much Patrick has relaxed around him. He reaches out and brushes his thumb across the knuckles of Patrick’s hand, his own hand curling around where Patrick’s hand is curled around his face. “I think if someone really cared about you they wouldn’t give a shit about this.”

“Really?” Patrick asks, his voice sleepy, lisping around his thumb.

“Really,” Jonny assures him. “Anyone who’s worth you, won’t care.”

Patrick hums, and Jonny can tell he’s drifting off to sleep, so Jonny just holds him a little tighter, burying his nose in Patrick’s curls and breathing deeply.

It’s not that Patrick never picks up, although Jonny obviously never does, but he ends up more than once sitting back with the old marrieds, watching Patrick and the other rookies wheeling chicks. Jonny joins in once in a while, dancing with a girl or two just to keep away the suspicion, but he never goes home with them like Patrick does. He supposes Patrick doesn’t stay the night with them, and that makes something possessive flare inside of Jonny, the idea that he’s the only one who gets to see Patrick curled up, fast asleep and peaceful.

“So,” Patrick says with a smile, sitting down beside Jonny on the plane. “There’s this girl I’ve been seeing.”

“’Seeing’?” Jonny asks. “As in, more than one date – that’s hardly like you.”

“I know,” Patrick grins, “but she’s a total smoke-show, plus she’s kinda sweet.”

“You going to ask her to stay over?”

“I’m thinking about it,” Patrick admits. “And I kind of have you to thank for that.”

Jonny shrugs. “It’s not like I get nothing out of it.”

“I mean it Toes.” Patrick nudges him gently. “You’re so kind about it, and it almost makes me think it might be ok.”

“If she’s as sweet as you say she is she’ll be fine with it.”

“Still going to make her sign an NDA,” Patrick says with a wry smile. “Can’t risk it if it all goes wrong.”

“I mean, that’s just sensible,” Jonny agrees, most of the guys on the team get girls to sign NDAs before embarking on a relationship.

Patrick sighs, and leans his head against Jonny’s shoulder, and now Jonny knows him a little better he sees the way he tucks his hands under his thighs to stop his hand from drifting towards his face.

Jonny lifts the arm rest up, making it more comfortable to tuck Patrick into his side, his arm going around Patrick’s shoulder, grabbing at Patrick’s shirt sleeve until Patrick lifts up one hand, letting Jonny wrap his fingers around his wrist.

“Oh, look at that,” Sharpy crows delightedly from the seat behind them. “I’m amazed the rookies got married already. Was it a long courtship Toes?”

Jonny’s learnt enough by now that denying things like that just make people ask more questions. “Sure,” he lets go of Patrick’s wrist to run a hand through Patrick’s curls, “you know I just had to see these pretty curls with a tiara and a veil.”

“Hey fuck you.” Patrick glares at him, but there’s a smile behind it. “Why am I the bride here?”

“You not my wife Peeks?” Jonny clutches his free hand to his chest, acting hurt. “I’m wounded, wounded I tell you.”

Sharpy snorts. “Now I’m just mad we didn’t get an invite to the wedding, didn’t want me as best man Toes?”

“That’s the problem,” Jonny laughs. “I wanted you as best man, Peeksy wanted you to be maid of honour, so we decided to have no guests at all.”

“That’s fair,” Sharpy tells him. “Couldn’t have me outshining your bride there Toes.”

With laughter from the rest of the boys, they eventually settle down into the flight, with Patrick still tucked under Jonny’s arm.

Patrick just raises an eyebrow at him in question.

Jonny shrugs in answer. “Denying it just raises suspicion,” he says quietly. “This way is better.”

##  **Patrick’s POV**

Patrick’s been on several dates with Stephanie; he wasn’t exaggerating to Jonny when he said he thought she was sweet. He’s slept with her, of course, or rather, they’ve fucked but haven’t ever slept in the same place, but he thinks it’s time. He’s nervous when he asks her to stay over, they’ve got a rare off day, which is the perfect opportunity, so he invites her out for dinner, and while they’re out, he asks her.

“Of course,” she agrees with an easy smile, not knowing how his heart is hammering inside his chest.

When they get back to his, he has the NDA waiting, the front office hadn’t even batted an eyelid when he’d asked for it, it’s one of the standard ones that just says she’s not allowed to say anything about their time together. She laughs a little as she signs it, talking about how she really is dating a celebrity now and he can’t help but kiss the edge of her sweet smile.

Of course, then, they get distracted and tumble into bed together. He’s exhausted and sated when he finally has to bring it up, something which actually makes it easier, he’s loose limbed and relaxed. “So there’s a thing,” he mumbles softly.

“What thing?”

Even relaxed as he is, he still has to take a breath, steel himself before he admits it. “So, sometimes, when I’m sleeping, I still suck my thumb.” It’s a lie, it’s not sometimes, it’s every damn time, but it’s easier to admit it that way.

She laughs, and then catches the look on his face. “Really?”

Patrick shrugs, and nods, “Like, I get it’s weird… I’ve…” he remembers something Jonny had said to him, advice he’d given for just this moment, “I’ve never actually cared about someone enough to ask them to stay over before.” It’s again, not strictly speaking true, he’s wanted to ask others to stay over, he’s just never felt bold enough, but Jonny changed that.

“Oh.” She flushes at that, and curls into his side.

It takes him a moment to get comfortable, used to curling into Jonny’s side, whereas here, Stephanie is curled into him, but he thinks about what Jonny does, and wraps an arm around her waist, thumb stroking at the soft skin there, leaning down to steal another kiss. He’s momentarily struck by the thought of what would happen if Jonny ever did that to him, it’s so easy to kiss someone when they’re lying that close to you.

He watches her fall asleep, waiting until he’s certain she’s unconscious before relaxing enough to tuck his thumb between his lips, and even as he falls asleep he knows he’s smiling, because this is what he’s always wanted, a cute girlfriend who doesn’t mind, who isn’t going to judge him because of this.

When he wakes up the next morning, it’s before Stephanie, and he ends up waking her up with soft kisses across her shoulders. He’s a little nervous that she’s going to say something when she wakes, but she doesn’t, just pulling him in for a proper kiss. Morning sex isn’t something he’s ever had before, and he quickly decides it’s the best thing in the world.

She stays over a couple of times after that, now he’s gotten over telling her, there’s nothing stopping it, and he loves having her in his bed. Still, on the third time she stays over he wakes up to her staring at him.

“Hi?” He grins, taking his thumb out of his mouth.

“Have you, like, not tried to quit?” she asks bluntly, staring at his thumb.

Patrick feels his defences start to fall back into place. “Of course I have. Literally everything, I ran out of options years ago.” It’s true, he’s tried every suggestion anyone has ever given him for quitting, nothing has ever worked.

“It’s just…” She glances down at him. “It’s kind of creepy.”

“Creepy?” He can’t help but ask.

“You’re an adult, not…” She waves her hand at his face. “And I know some people are into that baby stuff, but that’s really not me.”

Patrick groans, “No, Stephie.” He reaches out to her, noticing as she flinches away from him. “It’s not a thing like that, it’s literally just when I’m sleeping.”

“Well it’s weird,” she snaps, getting out of bed and grabbing her clothes. “Look Patrick, I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“You said it wasn’t a big deal,” he argues.

“I didn’t think it would be, but it is, ok?” The look on her face tells him he isn’t going to win this battle.

There’s no practise that morning, because they’re on a plane at lunchtime, and of course, everyone picks up on his mood as soon as he gets there.

“Who pissed in your fruit loops?” Sharpy asks with a laugh.

Patrick shrugs. “Stephanie broke up with me.”

“Ouch.” Jonny appears at his side, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and steering him towards their usual seat. “I thought things were going well with her.”

“So did I,” Patrick mutters morosely, slipping into the window seat.

“Did she say why?” Jonny asks gently.

Patrick nods, and then, glancing around them and not wanting to say why out loud in front of their teammates, casually raises his hand to his face, and taps his thumb against his bottom lip.

“Oh fuck,” Jonny winces. “I thought you’d said she was ok with it?”

“She was,” Patrick sighs, leaning his head against Jonny’s shoulder. “And then she wasn’t.”

Later when he and Jonny are alone in their hotel room, curled up in the same bed, he brings it up again. “She talked about it like it was some kind of weird sex thing… like those men who wear diapers.”

“I mean…” Jonny flashes him a grin, clearly chirping him. “It isn’t?”

“Oh fuck you Taze.” Patrick shoves him roughly before snuggling back into his side. “Of course it fucking isn’t.”

“I dunno Peeks,” Jonny laughs. “I’ve seen that blissed out look on your face, you can’t tell me you’ve never thought about doing it during.”

Patrick resolves not to say anything, but he feels the blood rushing to his face anyhow, giving the game away far clearer than he could have done with words.

“No way,” Jonny chuckles. “For real?”

Patrick shrugs. “I mean, it was just once, and this chick was giving me a beej, but she insisted on being under the covers so I couldn’t see her, which was her idea by the way, I dunno, performance anxiety or something. Anyway, she had the covers pulled over her head, and my dick in her mouth, and I figured since she couldn’t see me anyway…”

“Did you?” Jonny asks.

Patrick nods mutely.

“Fuck,” Jonny whispers. “What was it like?”

“Best fucking head I’ve ever gotten, and she wasn’t even that good.” Patrick laughs, and then sobers up again instantly. “Maybe I am a creep.”

“Peeks no,” Jonny protests. “You’re not a creep, like, I get that you’re straight, but from the perspective of a queer guy, the fact that you get off just on sucking stuff, that’s kind of hot.”

“Really?” Patrick asks.

Jonny nods. “Like, maybe less so if it was only your thumb, but I’ve seen what you’re like with your fucking mouthguards, so I’m pretty sure it’s anything.”

Patrick nods in agreement. “Thumb’s just for like, comfort or whatever.”

“Plus,” Jonny tightens the arm that he’s got wrapped around Patrick’s shoulders, “You know I think it’s adorable, yeah?”

“Thanks Taze.” Patrick grins up at him, and then, still with a smile on his face, pops his thumb in his mouth.

It’s easy enough to fall into a routine during the season, when they’re on roadies, Patrick and Jonny sleep in the same bed, and Jonny never minds if Patrick has his thumb in his mouth. When they come back for their second year, Patrick gets his own apartment, and spends the first week at least wandering around with his thumb in his mouth 24/7 regardless of what he’s doing, just to luxuriate in the freedom of it. Still, he doesn’t manage to have another steady girlfriend, he still hooks up all the damn time, and it’s not the worst thing in the world, but he’s too afraid to have someone sleep over, to let someone see that part of him.

He manages to keep it a secret from the team, mostly by dint of being really fucking careful, and by Jonny helping him on flights where they really have to sleep. He never falls asleep at team parties, no matter how late it gets, or how bored he is, and they always have the deadbolt on the door if they’re sleeping, which they say is to protect against pranks, not that it helps, since Sharpy and Burr manage to prank them when they’re out of the room most of the time anyway.

December 2011 is a momentous month for Patrick. Ok, technically it’s a momentous month for Patrick Sharp, but Patrick Kane would claim it as well, because that’s when he gets to meet the best girl he ever will, Maddie Sharp. She’s tiny, and it blows his mind that Sharpy lets him hold her.

They have a team party, when Abby’s up for receiving guests, and Maddie is just over a month old, all the boys are round and Patrick’s getting to hold her more than anyone else, which he knows is just because he’s the favourite. Still, he can’t help but feel something ugly twist inside him when she lifts her tiny fist up to her mouth and sucks on her thumb.

“AWwww,” Seabs coos. “Look at her sucking on her thumb, that is the cutest fucking thing in the world.”

“I know” Abby grins at him. “She was even doing it on one of her scans, I love it so much.”

“Cutest Sharp ever,” Seabs laughs.

Eventually, Patrick manages to hand Maddie off to another one of her adoring fans, and he catches Abby by the arm. “Abs,” he says softly. “Can I speak to you for a moment.”

“Sure,” she says gently, they’ve always been close, ever since Sharpy took him under his wing that first year. He drags her off to her bedroom because he knows no-one else would dare to go in. He takes a breath. “It’s about the thumb sucking thing.”

“Ok?” Abby looks at him, concern written across his face.

“Look, I know it’s cute and all now,” he says, because it is, it’s fucking adorable, “But at some point in her life it’s going to be a habit, like, if you give her a paci now, then when she’s bigger you can take the paci away, but you won’t be able to take her thumb away, you know?” It’s hard to say, hard to open up about it even to Abby, but he loves Maddie so much, tiny as she is, and he wants to protect her.

“Oh Patrick,” Abby laughs fondly. “That’s very sweet, but lots of babies suck their thumbs, and you don’t see any adults walking around doing it.”

“Um… well…” Patrick can feel the embarrassment heating his face. “Actually, you do.”

“Really?” Abby asks in amazement.

Patrick shrugs, figuring he might as well go for broke. “I do,” he says quietly. “I do, and I can’t stop, and I wish I fucking could Abby, but I can’t.”

“Oh.” Abby sounds like he’s knocked the breath out of her with surprise and she sits down on the edge of her bed. “Does anyone apart from me know?”

Patrick nods. “Taze does,” he explains. “We share a room, and I can’t sleep without it, so yeah, he knows.”

Abby nods slowly. “But not the rest of the team.”

Patrick snorts. “You know they’d chirp me to hell and back if they knew.” He sits down beside Abby, “Look, I get that Maddie is your child, and I have absolutely no place to advise you on how to bring her up, but I’d feel awful if I didn’t tell you, warn you.” He says, patting her softly on the knee, “Just, like, think about a paci instead, just think about it, for me.”

Abby nods. “Of course Peeks.” She wraps her arm around his shoulders. “You’re my rookie too you know.”

He grins at her, butting his head softly against hers. “Thanks,” he says eventually, “for listening to me freak out about her.”

Abby snorts gently. “That’s nothing, Pat freaks out about everything to do with her.” She gives him a conspiratorial smile. “I caught him trying to get her mattress perfectly flat using a level the other day.”

That brings a smile back to Patrick’s face. “We should go back,” he tells her.

“Peeks,” she says softly. “If I’m going to bring up the pacifier discussion with my Pat, he’s going to want to know why.”

Patrick freezes, and then very slowly, nods. “I get it,” he says. “He’s your husband, I wouldn’t ask you to keep a secret from him.”

“Even though it’s your secret?”

He shrugs. “I’ll cope,” he says with a determined face. “Besides, he already chirps me about every other part of my existence, what’s one more thing.” He grins at her to let her know that he’s not seriously upset.

He gets a lift home with Jonny, buckling himself into the front seat of Jonny’s car, familiar as always. “I told Abby,” he says, in the quiet of the car.

“About what?” Jonny asks absentmindedly.

“My thumb.”

“Shit.” Jonny glances over at him, before giving his full attention back to the road. “Because of Maddie?”

“Yeah,” Patrick sighs. “I don’t want her to go through what I do, I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, least of all, my best girl.”

Jonny laughs at him. “One day you’re going to get a girlfriend, and she’s going to be really upset that she’ll never be your best girl you know.”

“Un-fucking-likely,” Patrick snorts.

“Was brave of you though,” Jonny says, his tone turning serious.

Patrick exhales. “Was fucking scary,” he admits.

“Do you…” Jonny falters, before starting again. “Do you want to come back to mine, just to chill? You could stay over.”

Patrick thinks about it, it wouldn’t be the first time he’s stayed over at Jonny’s, but it’s usually because they’ve stayed up too late and he can’t be bothered to drive home. They’ve never planned it, Jonny’s never invited him like this. So on one hand, it’s strange. On the other hand, it’s just Jonny. “Sure,” he says easily “Sounds good.”

When they get back to Jonny’s, Jonny flicks on the next episode of the TV show they’ve been binging, and Patrick finds himself tucked under Jonny’s arm, his thumb already in his mouth, without even noticing he’d put it there. He thinks about the fact that he sucks his thumb as freely at Jonny’s place as he does his own, and it brings a smile to his face. “Hey Taze,” he says softly, mumbling because he refuses to take his thumb out of his mouth. “Thanks.”

“For what?” Jonny stares down at him.

“Not being an ass about me,” Patrick clarifies.

“I am an ass about you,” Jonny laughs. “Just not this.” He brings his hand up to rub his thumb across Patrick’s knuckles.

“Well thanks,” Patrick mumbles, sinking further into Jonny’s side, luxuriating in the warmth that Jonny always seems to kick out.

He hears nothing back from Abby specifically, but she snaps him a picture of Maddie with a paci in her mouth, and he can’t help but grin as he shows it to Jonny.

Still, the next time they have practise at home, he goes to take his bucket down off the shelf, only to find it filled to the brim with pacifiers. Panic rises in the back of his throat like bile and he has to take a breath to calm himself. He looks around, desperately trying to think of something to do with them, praying that nobody else has seen them and wondering if Sharpy involved anyone else in this stupid prank. Eventually, he ends up standing there, frozen in front of his stall for so long that everyone else has headed out onto the ice, and the trainers are telling him to get his ass out there. He empties his bucked into the trash, knowing the trainers won’t ask questions in the same way his teammates would, and even if they do, he won’t fucking answer them.

##  **Jonny’s POV**

There’s something off with Patrick, Jonny can tell. He’s flubbing more passes than are connecting, and he’s staring down at the ice more than he’s keeping his head up.

During a moment of respite Jonny skates over to him. “Peeks,” he says softly. “What’s up?”

“Sorry,” Patrick apologises. “I’ll do better.”

“That’s not it,” Jonny assures him. “I’m not asking as your captain, I’m asking as your friend.”

Patrick glances up to make sure no-one’s nearby before he mutters quietly. “Sharpy knows.”

“Did you say Abby could tell him?”

“Of course,” Patrick tells him. “She’s his wife, I wasn’t going to make her keep a secret from him.” He glances again over his shoulder. “Still,” he lowers his voice further, so he’s practically whispering. “He filled my lid with paci’s.”

“Oh for fucks sake.” Jonny feels himself flush with anger. “I’m going to…”

“Jonny, don’t…” Patrick pleads softly.

“No Peeks.” Jonny pushes him away. “Because this is a Captain thing, and I can’t have him fucking with my best player like that. That’s not chirps Peeks.” He skates away, shucking his gloves before he even realises what he’s doing, grabbing the back of Sharpy’s jersey. “Drop your fucking gloves Sharp,” he snarls.

“What?” Sharpy spins. “The fuck Toes?”

“I fucking mean it,” Jonny brushes off Seabs’ arm which has come to rest on his shoulder.

“What’s this about?” Seabs asks in his ear, always looking out for Jonny, not questioning him, but supporting him.

“This is between me and Sharpy.” Jonny tells him, “And either he drops the fucking gloves or I punch him anyway.”

“Oh fuck you,” Sharpy says back, pulling his own gloves off. Fights in practise are rare, and all the guys know the reason, it’s to clear the air between them, and so nobody steps in, they let it play out. Jonny’s a better fighter than Sharpy, and although Sharpy gets a few licks in, it’s not long before Jonny’s got him on the ice and Seabs is coming in to pull him off before he does any real damage.

Jonny looks down at Sharpy lying there on the ice, “You and me are getting lunch together after practise,” he says, voice as flat as always.

“Sure thing Cap,” Sharpy croaks out, spitting blood onto the ice.

Jonny still can’t shake the feeling of anger, can’t shake the righteous indignation on Patrick’s behalf, can’t stop thinking about how pale Patrick looked, how shaken he was. “Peeks,” he says as they walk back into the locker room, “Come over later.”

“Thought you were doing lunch with the other Patrick,” Patrick laughs.

“After,” Jonny says, nudging him softly with his shoulder. “I mean it Peeks.”

Patrick rolls his eyes, but he agrees.

So Jonny takes Sharpy out to lunch, and he sits him down and explains everything Patrick had told him about his time in juniors, in nat dev, tells him the lengths that Patrick went to, the things he was coerced into doing.

“Shit,” Sharpy swears. “I had no idea.”

“It’s not a thing to chirp him about,” Jonny explains. “I’d have thought Abby would have made that clear.” A guilty look flashes across Sharpy’s face. “She fucking did, didn’t she.”

“I just…” Sharpy has the decency to look abashed. “It seemed like too good a chirping opportunity.”

“Well it isn’t,” Jonny assures him.

“I get that,” Sharpy admits. “Like, is he ok?”

“I don’t know,” Jonny tells him honestly. “But, just, don’t fucking do it again, ok Sharp?”

“You’re good for him,” Sharpy says, somewhat bizarrely. “You and Peeks, you’re good for each other.”

“I should hope so,” Jonny stares back at him. “We’re the fucking faces of Chicago.”

Sharpy wrinkles his nose up. “And that’s a crime,” he points his fork at Jonny, “because we all know I’m the pretty one.”

##  **Patrick’s POV**

Patrick ends up over at Jonny’s before Jonny gets back from his lunch with Sharpy. It’s not the end of the world, it’s not like he doesn’t have a key, and it’s not like he doesn’t know how to turn on Jonny’s xbox and get himself settled on the couch, protein shake in hand, playing some solo chel.

“Hey,” Jonny says softly as he appears in the lounge behind him.

Patrick tips his head back, pausing the game and looking up at Jonny. “How was lunch?”

“He wanted to come round and apologise to you in person,” Jonny says, coming round to sit beside Patrick on the couch. “I told him to fuck off and that he could tell you tomorrow.”

“I didn’t need you to…” Patrick starts.

“I know,” Jonny says quietly, and then, wraps an arm around his shoulders, pulling Patrick into his side. “I know you fucking didn’t, because you are so much stronger than I will ever dream of being Peeks, but I needed to do that ok?”

“OK.” Patrick nods.

“Movie?” Jonny suggests.

Patrick agrees, and flicks the tv over to find what’s next on their ‘to watch’ list, pressing play, before tucking himself back into Jonny’s side.

He notices that Jonny is staring down at him, a weird look on his face.

“What?” he asks.

Jonny just shakes his head, and then reaches down to grab Patrick by the wrist, pulling his hand up to his face.

Patrick laughs, getting the hint, and tucking his thumb between his lips.

“That’s better,” Jonny says with a smug grin, turning his attention back to the movie.

___

Sharpy invites him round for dinner, which he expects is mostly to apologise for the whole ‘pacifier’ incident, but he invites Jonny too, which gives Patrick the confidence to go. Sharpy’s surprisingly nice, and he hands over Maddie as soon as they get through the door.

“Hey.” Patrick scoops her easily into his arms. “How’s the cutest Sharp in the world.”

“I’d be offended,” Abby appears at the doorway, “if it wasn’t so painfully true.” She presses a quick kiss to Patrick’s cheek. “It’s been too long Peeks.”

“True.” Patrick looks down at the baby in his arms, she’s awake and waving her arms around a little. “Because you’ve grown up so much, yes you have.”

“Wanna come see her play-gym?” Sharpy says. “She can totally grab stuff now, it’s awesome.”

They head off to the lounge, but not before Patrick hears Jonny say sulkily from the doorway, “I can grab stuff too, it’s not that impressive.”

After spending half an hour on the floor, having tummy time with Maddy, who is definitely grabbing for things she wants, plus, she’s discovered her feet, and they are just awesome, Abby calls them all through for dinner. Maddy doesn’t want to be put down however, so the four of them take turns holding her and eating one handed, to give everyone a break.

Patrick watches as it’s Jonny’s turn, laughing as he awkwardly cradles her, but then he can’t help but gaze on as Jonny’s expression softens and he stares down at Maddy with a smile.

After dinner, Abby feeds Maddy, but hands her back to Patrick when she’s burped and settled so she can fall asleep in his arms. “Got to get your baby snuggle quota in while you’re here,” she says fondly.

They settle in to watch a movie, and Patrick tucks his hand under his thigh, with one arm around Maddie, and the other safely tucked away, that should be enough.

Jonny clearly notices, and reaches over, pulling Patrick’s hand out from under his thigh. “You realise everyone knows.”

Patrick blushes, because there’s a difference between knowing, and seeing, but he understands why Jonny’s doing it, because Jonny knows that he’s never properly relaxed without it. He sighs, and quietly tucks his thumb between his lips, breathing happily, grinning down at Maddie. He’s jerked out of it by the click of a phone camera, and his head snaps up to see Sharpy holding his phone up.

“Fucking delete that,” he hisses, hand tucked back under his thigh.

“It’s cute Peeksy. I won’t share it with anyone.”

“Delete it.”

“Patrick,” Abby says sternly. “If Peeks wants you to delete it, then you have to delete it. You’ve already been a dick about this.”

Sharpy rolls his eyes, but fiddles around on his phone, deleting the picture. “Honestly Peeks, I don’t see why you think people would even care.”

“Because they have,” Patrick snipes back. “Because I’ve mostly come across guys that have been complete assholes about it.” He recognises that now, now he’s seen what a good friend looks like in Jonny and he’s learnt that the assholes in juniors, were in fact just that.

“Well we won’t be.”

Beside Patrick, Jonny snorts. “Except you kind of were Sharpy.”

Sharpy winces. “Ok, so sometimes I’m a dick, but you know it’s done with love right Peeks?”

Patrick sighs. “I know Sharpy, I know.”

“And if any of the guys are actually a dick to you about it?” Sharpy tells him earnestly. “They’ll have to go through me first.”

\--

##  **Jonny’s POV**

It’s impossible not to watch Patrick. Jonny’s self-aware enough to know that he thinks Patrick is cute, even if he knows there’s no future there, knows that Patrick isn’t interested in him like that. It’s impossible not to notice Patrick’s oral fixation, because it’s ever present in his life. When he’s on the ice, his mouthguard is popping in and out of his mouth. In practise, it’s his glove, the tape on the end of his stick, anything he can get hold of when he’s not playing.

When they’re out with the boys, it’s the strings off his hoodie, or when he’s really nervous, the heel of his hand—but never his thumb in front of the boys. When they’re alone, of course, that’s when he jams his thumb in his mouth. The change across the rest of his teammate is so noticeable, his shoulders relax, his breathing slows, it’s like he’s a different person.

“You’re better like this,” he tells Patrick one afternoon. They’re in yet another identical hotel watching a movie for the afternoon.

“In your hotel room?” Patrick takes his thumb out of his mouth to ask.

“No, you pigeon.” Jonny rolls his eyes. “You’re more chill when it’s just us.” He doesn’t add, ‘when you’re sucking your thumb’ because he knows how much Patrick hates talking about it. He’s not sure he’s ever heard Patrick use the phrase ‘sucking his thumb’, the closest he ever gets is just ‘thumb’.

Patrick wrinkles his nose at him. “You’re a weird one Taze.”

“I’m not supposed to be happy because my buddy is all chill?”

Patrick snorts. “Well one of us has to be, and it sure as fuck ain’t you.”

Jonny just smiles quietly, because knowing that Patrick is happy and relaxed – yeah, he can take a few chirps.

##  **Patrick’s POV**

The season doesn’t quite end the way they wanted it to, and it stings, and none of them feel quite ready to say goodbye to each other yet. It’s getting clearer each year, at least to the core of them, that they’re never going to be the same team that they were in 2010, that it’s never going to be the same bunch of guys.

“We should have a party,” Sharpy suggests. “Like, a fucking weekend at a cabin, no wives, no girlfriends, no kids, just us.”

“Sounds a bit gay,” Seabs laughs, but then in the next breath he adds, “I’m in.”

So, they end up trooping to a cabin, in the middle of nowhere, to sit around a campfire, not roasting marshmallows, because Jonny won’t let them indulge even though it’s the off-season.

Patrick can feel himself getting sleepy; he’s not drunk enough that he’s completely hammered, just pleasantly buzzed, and he finds himself leaning against Jonny’s shoulders.

“Awww,” Sharpy teases from across the other side of the campfire. “Look at the little love birds.”

He and Jonny flip Sharpy matching middle fingers, which makes him feel incredibly smug. Still, with the sounds of his teammates chattering around him and Jonny’s arm around his shoulders, it’s hard not to feel relaxed, and his hand is halfway towards his face before he realises what’s happening and jolts awake, jamming his hand under his thigh.

Of course, Jonny notices, whispering softly in Patrick’s ear. “Want me to hold your wrists?”

Patrick shakes his head, silently resolving to just stay awake.

To his surprise however, it’s Sharpy who speaks up from across the fire, looking at Patrick with a contemplative gaze. “You could you know,” he says, somewhat cryptically.

“Fuck off.” Patrick glares at him, because ok, sure, Sharpy apologised for the whole paci incident, but that doesn’t mean Patrick’s entirely comfortable with him knowing still.

“I mean it,” Sharpy says. “No-one sat around this campfire is going to care Peeks.”

“What are we not caring about?” Seabs asks with a grin. “Is it Jonny and Patrick boning, because honestly guys, we’ve known for fucking ever, and we really don’t give a shit.”

Patrick’s fully awake now, and sitting bolt upright, pulling away from Jonny. “We’re not…” he starts

“Seriously.” Shawzy rolls his eyes at the pair of them. “We all know” He gestures around the fire. “It’s the worst kept secret on this team, and nobody has a problem with it, so like, you can stop pretending.”

“We aren’t pretending,” Jonny says, his voice carefully measured.

“Oh Jesus,” Seabs snorts. “Like, why are you still denying it, we all know, you guys now know we know, and if you can play, you can fucking play.”

“But we aren’t…” Patrick waves at Jonny. “Like, I’m not gay.”

“We know that too Peeks, it’s fine to be bi.”

“No.” Patrick finds himself pulling away from Jonny as if to make the point. “Like, I’m not even into guys. At all.”

“I mean…” To his surprise, it’s Jonny who speaks up from beside him. “You did say you like sucking dick.”

“Straight guys can like sucking dick too!” Patrick splutters, outraged, amazed that Jonny of all people would be being weird about this.

“No.” Seabs shakes his head. “Straight guys definitely do not enjoy sucking dick.”

“Wait.” Duncs stares at them, as if he’s finally catching up with the conversation. “So you guys really aren’t together?”

“No!” Jonny and Patrick yell in unison.

“As I said,” Patrick reiterates. “I’m really straight, and even if I wasn’t.” he offers up a shrug. “Jonny’s made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want me to suck his dick.”

“Wait what?” Sharpy laughs. “Ok, nobody turns down a BJ, and if you’re straight, why were you offering to suck his dick.”

“Because I enjoy it.” Patrick rolls his eyes. “We’ve already covered this.”

“Ok,” Sharpy says stubbornly. “But that’s a little bit gay.”

“And when did I say I didn’t want you to suck my dick?” Jonny asks from beside him.

Patrick turns to him in amazement. “When we first met,” he reminds him. “Remember?”

“Peeks!” Jonny sounds exasperated. “I said I didn’t want you to like, bribe me into secrecy by sucking my dick, that doesn’t mean I didn’t want a blowjob if it didn’t come as like, fucking blackmail.”

“Oh.” Patrick flushes a little bit. “I mean, I figured it was just a blanket no.”

“Why are we not covering the fact that Peeks thinks he’s straight, despite the fact he apparently offers blow jobs all the damn time.” Seabs laughs from where he’s sat on the other side of Jonny.

“Not all the time,” Patrick pouts. “And I am straight.”

“You can suck my dick Peeksy,” Shawzy laughs.

Jonny growls besides him. “No he fucking won’t,” he snarls.

Patrick just raises an eyebrow at Jonny, who shrugs in return.

“The point is,” Seabs continues, pointing a finger at Patrick, “wanting to suck dick is kind of gay.”

“It’s not,” Patrick argues. “I just like having stuff in my mouth.”

“We’ve all seen your fucking mouthguards,” Seabs counters. “But loads of guys have oral fixations, that doesn’t automatically translate to enjoying cock.”

“But I’m not gay!” Patrick protests.

“Do you think Jonny is hot?” Seabs asks him bluntly.

Patrick stares at him like he’s the idiot he truly is. “Of course Jonny’s hot,” he replies. “Look at him.”

“That’s gay!” Seabs crows.

“Fuck off is that gay,” Patrick responds. “During playoffs you said that Sharpy’s cheekbones were so beautiful they made you cry.” He counts off on his fingers, “And you offered to give Duncs a foot massage because, quote, ‘you’re my best girl Duncsy’.”

“Yeah,” Seabs laughs. “But I was joking.”

Patrick falters, staring at him. “Wait really?”

“Why do you think you aren’t gay?” Sharpy asks softly.

Patrick shrugs, flushing a little red. “Because I’ve tried doing gay stuff and not enjoyed it?”

“Except the dick sucking part?” Sharpy questions him further.

“That bit isn’t gay!” Patrick protests. “I’ve tried, y’know…” he lets his voice drop, feeling his cheeks flame even further red, “butt stuff.”

“Peeks,” Jonny says softly from beside him, while all their teammates fall about laughing. “Not liking anal doesn’t make you not gay.”

“What?” Patrick stares at him in amazement, and then, because his honour is at stake here, “and of course I like anal, just not, y’know, being on the receiving end.”

Jonny groans, burying his face in his hands. “Lots of queer guys don’t like to bottom Kaner,” he says quietly.

“Oh.” Patrick frowns. “Like, there is the smallest possibility I might not be straight then.”

Jonny laughs at him, reaching out to run a hand through his curls,.“No shit Peeksy.” He grins, tugging on Patrick’s head so he’s leaning back on his shoulder.

“See that shit…” Sharpy points at them, “is why we think you’re dating.”

“Plus you always have your door deadbolted,” Seabs adds, “which isn’t to prevent against pranks, because we wouldn’t prank you while you were in the room, that wouldn’t make fucking sense.”

“Well no,” Jonny admits, causing Patrick to turn and stare at him. He just offers a small shrug to Patrick, as if to say ‘well all our secrets are coming out anyway,’ and Patrick sighs and lays his head back down on Jonny’s shoulder. “It’s because we tend to sleep in the same bed

“How are you not dating?” Sharpy laughs. “You’re always cuddle up together, you sleep in the same bed, you spend every waking minute of the day together.”

Patrick looks up at Jonny, and Jonny’s staring down at him with a weird look on his face. “What?” Patrick asks him.

Jonny shrugs, and then leans down, pressing a soft kiss against Patrick’s lips.

“Oh,” Patrick whispers, ignoring the cat calls from around them.

“So if you guys aren’t dating.” Duncs has a thoughtful look on his face. “What was Sharpy saying we wouldn’t care about.”

“Oh.” Patrick can feel his cheeks flushing, because if the last fifteen minutes have shown him anything, it’s that these boys have got his back. He leans his head against Jonny’s shoulder, and with a sigh, tucks his thumb between his lips, eyes flickering shut so he doesn’t have to see their assessing gazes.

He feels Jonny’s arm tighten around his shoulders, and the press of Jonny’s kiss against the top of his head.

“Are you just…” Duncsy’s voice comes across from the other side of Seabs, “not answering the question?”

Seabs snorts. “You’re my favourite space cadet Duncs.” He says fondly.

“I don’t get it.” Duncs sounds petulant, and Patrick cracks one eyelid open to see his teammates laughing, not at him, but at Duncs instead. He snuggles further into Jonny’s embrace.

Later, when the fire has died down and they’re all heading inside to find their bunks, Jonny tugs him by the hand. “Come with me,” he whispers.

He lets Jonny lead him a little way away from the cabin. “If you’re going to murder me in the woods Taze…” he starts.

“Fuck off,” Jonny snipes fondly, pushing Patrick back up against a tree and stepping close enough that Patrick can feel the warmth of his breath. “I wanted to kiss you without those fuckers watching.”

“Fuck yes.” Patrick grins at him, wrapping his arms around Jonny’s neck. The feel of Jonny’s lips against his is absolute heaven, the warmth of his breath in the cold night air, the press of their bodies together. It doesn’t take long before Patrick is achingly hard in his pants, and he knows Jonny must be too. “Can I blow you?” he asks softly. “Please.”

Jonny groans. “Like I could say no Peeksy”Hhe runs his hand through Patrick’s hair, and then spins him, so Jonny is the one with his back to the tree, using his grip on Patrick’s hair to force him to his knees.

Patrick makes quick work of getting Jonny’s pants and briefs out of the way, reaching out to lick a stripe up the underside of Jonny’s cock, watching as he shivers, before wrapping his lips around the head and sucking it into his mouth. He hadn’t been exaggerating when he said how much he loved doing this, it’s easy to lose himself in it, the warmth, the thickness, taking Jonny as deep as he can without gagging. He’s quick to set up a rhythm, sucking away happily, vaguely aware of Jonny babbling above him.

“Fuck Peeksy, fuck your fucking mouth, beautiful boy.” Jonny’s hands are stroking through his hair. “Jesus fucking, you’re so beautiful, Christ, and your mouth.” His words aren’t making much sense.

Patrick just hums happily, losing himself once more in the rhythm of it. He comes back to himself when Jonny is tugging frantically at his curls.

“Fuck Peeksy, I’m going to,” Jonny groans.

Patrick knows exactly what he means, and just sucks harder, until Jonny is coming down his throat – it’s easier for clean-up, he figures.

“Fuck,” Jonny whimpers, pulling Patrick up to his feet, slotting their mouths back together with desparate frantic kisses. “Fuck Peeks, you are the fucking hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.”

Patrick just presses his nose into Jonny’s neck, pressing kisses against his collar bone.

“Give me a minute,” Jonny laughs softly. “And I’ll return the favour.”

“You don’t have to,” Patrick protests automatically, but that startles a growl out of Jonny.

“I want to Peeks,” Jonny says vehemently, swapping their positions and falling to his knees in front of Patrick.

Patrick had already been ridiculously turned on, just from sucking Jonny’s dick, so he’s grateful, when Jonny wraps his warm wet lips around his cock, a whimper escaping from his lips as Jonny starts to suck. He quickly realises how good Jonny is at this, and a voice in the back of his mind asks where Jonny got the practise, but he ignores it, as Jonny engulfs practically the whole length of him in one easy move.

“Tazer,” Patrick whines.

Jonny pulls off with a pop, and looks thoughtfully up at him. “You know Peeks,” he says with a grin starting to form on his face, “I’m kind of occupied here, so I definitely wouldn’t notice if you were to stick something in your mouth.”

Patrick whimpers. “Fuck, Taze…”

“Just saying,” Jonny winks at him, and then licks a stripe up the underside of his cock, just as Patrick had done to him.

For a few moments, Patrick just stares down at him, watching as he builds up a rhythm bobbing up and down on his cock, but Jonny’s eyes are fluttered closed, his dark eyelashes resting against his cheek, and it’s not like he hadn’t told Patrick it was ok, so Patrick ends up sliding two fingers into his mouth, curling them up so they can brush against the roof of his mouth, his head tipping back against the tree trunk with a thud. With the dual stimulation of Jonny sucking on his cock and his fingers in his mouth, it doesn’t take long before he has to pull them out to warn Jonny. “Jon, Taze, I’m gonna…” he mutters, fingers still half in his mouth.

Jonny cracks one eye open at him, to show that he’s heard, and then closes it again, sucking the entire length of Patrick’s cock into his mouth.

Patrick comes with a moan stifled around his fingers, his thighs trembling with it.

“Fuck,” he whispers, as Jonny climbs stiffly to his feet. “Fuck Taze.”

Jonny hums happily, and presses a kiss to Patrick’s lips. “We should head to bed.”

Patrick nods, and lets Jonny tug him by the hand back towards the cabin, checking three times that they’re both decent again and that he doesn’t look too dishevelled. It’s to no avail however, because as soon as they walk through the door there’s cheering and clapping from their teammates.

“Fuck off,” Tazer laughs.

“As long as you two fucked out there because we’re sure as fuck not putting up with you fucking in here.”

“Ew,” Patrick protests. “Gross, we wouldn’t do that anyway.”

Jonny flashes him a look that means he’d definitely thought about it, but heads over to the bunkbed the others had left for them, pulling his shirt over his head and unbuckling his jeans.

Patrick has to studiously look the other way, his mind going back to how the last person to undo those jeans had been him. He’s grateful that he came just a few minutes earlier, knowing he won’t get hard again immediately. Instead, he busies himself getting his own clothes off, pulling his sleep pants out from the bag he’d brought with him.

He puts one foot on the base of the ladder, about to swing himself up to the top bunk, when Jonny’s hand on his ankle stops him. “Nope,” Jonny says softly, climbing into the bottom bunk, and sliding back until his back is pressed against the wall.

“Taze,” Patrick sighs. “That’s a twin bed, it’s not going to work.”

Jonny scoffs. “Sure, if we were two regular sized guys. Good thing you’re tiny, isn’t it.” He pats the mattress beside him.

Patrick can’t look around at their teammates, can’t see the looks on their faces, instead, he trusts Jonny, who’s facing out to the room, trusting that Jonny will say something if anyone has a problem with it. He sighs, and climbs into bed beside Jonny, letting Jonny pull the covers up over the pair of them.

“They’re so cute,” Seabs crows delightedly.

“You’re just jealous you’re not getting Duncsy cuddles.” Sharpy laughs at him.

“Dude,” Seabs snorts. “I know how much Duncs wriggles around in bed, he can sleep on his own.”

Patrick lets himself relax finally, looking up into Jonny’s face, when he realises Jonny is smiling down at him, he’s unable to not smile back.

“Night Peeksy,” Jonny whispers, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to Patrick’s lips. He shuffles, so he’s on his back, wrapping Patrick around him in the crook of his arm, the way they usually sleep together.

Patrick lets his head rest on Jonny’s shoulder, and then, knowing that he’s facing away from the team, and that none of them really care anyway, he lifts his thumb to his mouth, hand curling around his face. “Night Jonny,” he lisps quietly around it.

It’s easy the next day, when they’re all out quietly fishing on the lake, to lean against Jonny, to tuck his thumb into his mouth.

“Do you do that all the time?” Shawsy asks.

Patrick flushes, and pulls his thumb out, tucking it under his thigh. “I mean,” he winces, “I have to concentrate to not do it, so yeah, pretty much.”

“How do you not have like, one super skinny thumb,” Shawsy presses. “Like, my cousin used to do that as a kid, and one of her thumbs was always way skinnier.”

“He’s ambidextrous,” Jonny answers for him. “At least as far as this goes.”

“Ugh.” Shawsy glares at him. “Why are you always so talented?”

Sharpy clips him round the ear. “I’m not sure that’s a talent rookie, my baby can do it.”

Patrick takes the chirp, he figures it could be so much worse, and he finds himself grinning up at Jonny around his thumb. Here, out on the boat, the sunlight sparkling off the water, Jonny’s arm wrapping around his shoulders, the too early end to the season stings that little bit less. He notices Jonny smiling fondly down at him. “What?” he asks, mumbling around his thumb.

Jonny just laughs, and reaches out to grab Patrick’s wrist, tugging his thumb out of his mouth, and leaning down to capture his lips in a soft sweet kiss. For a moment it’s nothing but the two of them, Jonny’s lips against his, and then, with a sigh, Jonny pulls away, his hand still on Patrick’s wrist, guiding it back up to his mouth and grinning when Patrick tucks his thumb between his lips.

“You like it,” Sharpy says, an accusing edge to his voice. “You’ve got a thumb sucking fetish.”

Patrick whips his thumb out of his mouth and is about to defend himself, when he realises that Sharpy is talking to Jonny.

“I like it when Peeks is happy,” Jonny says simply. “And when he’s relaxed…” He shoots a sideways glance at Patrick. “And also when he’s not talking my ear off.”

“There we go,” Patrick mutters with a laugh, leaning against Jonny even more than he was before. “That was it all along, here I was thinking you were being supportive, but really, you just wanted some fucking peace at quiet.”

“Exactly,” Jonny teases gently, but the way his face twists up as he tries desperately not to grin at Patrick belays how fond he really is.

Patrick tucks his thumb back into his mouth, and mutters, “Love you,” so quietly that it’s barely audible. And of course it comes out significantly more like ‘yuv you’ because of his thumb, but Jonny seems to get the message, as he leans down to brush a kiss across Patrick’s knuckles.

“Love you too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Come see me on tumblr [@princesstillyenna](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/princesstillyenna) for extra fic related content :D


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